I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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