hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
