it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
