he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
