And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
