Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
