she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
