i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
