How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
MIDGETS
????
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
