Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
