I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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