i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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