She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize