He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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