I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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