He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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