Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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