Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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