We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
