u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
