Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
