Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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