The best revenge is premature balding
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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