words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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