he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
