he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
