Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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