I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dignity is for republicans.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
