He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
