please come you make the beer taste better
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
