Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize