She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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