He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize