cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
