I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
