Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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