please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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