I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
