I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
420 ftw
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
