Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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