I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
