booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
