she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
