Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
