Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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