New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
