thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
