I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
