the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
