I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize