I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
