I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
