textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
