wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
