cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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