I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
