I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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