clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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