No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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