I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
