guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
