he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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