You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
