Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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