We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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