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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
