if you like me you must not know who I am
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
