...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is Oprah even human
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
