I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
