Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We need to rekindle our bromance
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
