just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
