Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just invented taco cereal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is the high leading the old right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
