you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
