Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
