My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
