Your dad touched me again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
