he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
