Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
