Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize