i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
