Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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