She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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