she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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