My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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