I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
