Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
