this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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